Foodfight! is quite possibly the worst movie ever animated. You should check it out.
Charlie Sheen is Dex Dogtective, and his horrifying cat/human hybrid girlfriend, Sunshine (Hillary Duff), has been taken away. Hey, “Don’t take my sunshine away.” It’s like that song. That’s pretty funny, right? Apparently somebody thought so, because that same hilarious reference is made about eight more times.
You remember in Toy Story how the toys would come to life when the humans weren’t around? Okay, now imagine that, except it’s nothing like that, and it’s the worst thing you’ve ever seen. I guess the movie takes place in a grocery store, except when people aren’t around, the store looks like a city. Not a city where the buildings are made of cereal boxes or something, just a city where they same boxy CG buildings and billboards are copied and pasted 50 times each. Some of the characters are famous mascots like Mr. Clean, Vlasic the Stock, and that Hawaiian Punch guy, but mostly they’re just three or four dead-eyed CG people, copied and pasted 50 times, all running the same 1/2 second animation loop in unison with one another.
A flailing Christopher Lloyd-thing comes into the store in the real world to stomp on a bag of Pirate’s Booty or something and shout at the manager that he’s going to start carrying Brand X laundry detergent. In the fantasy world, this means that Lady X (Eva Longoria) is a Nazi and her Brand X Nazi troops goosestep through the streets capturing all the Jewish mascots,* and the only way to stop her is for the flailing Wayne Brady squirrel** to do a loop-da-loop in his plane for some reason, I think?
Did I say worst? I meant best. This is the best movie. Watch out, Pixar.
**How to make a Foodfight! character: Flailing + Celebrity voice + species. Here are real examples from the movie that I promise I’m not making up:
Flailing Harvey Fierstein weasal
Flailing Chris Kattan Kid Cuisine penguin
Flailing Jerry Stiller Nazi
Flailing Cloris Leachman Nazi
are the top players in leauge of legends called legends of leauge
no they’re called losers
getting crushes on internet celebrities more like
please watch avril lavigne’s new video it is so much worse than you are imagining as you are reading this, it is so much worse than anyone could have ever guessed it would be
i wonder if actors ever get their scripts and are like
well this is fucking stupid
is this a reaction or an example
1. Single moms are the problem. Only 9 percent of low-income, urban moms have been single throughout their child’s first five years. Thirty-five percent were married to, or in a relationship with, the child’s father for that entire time.
2. Absent dads are the problem. Sixty percent of low-income dads see at least one of their children daily. Another 16 percent see their children weekly.
3. Black dads are the problem. Among men who don’t live with their children, black fathers are more likely than white or Hispanic dads to have a daily presence in their kids’ lives.
4. Poor people are lazy. In 2004, there was at least one adult with a job in 60 percent of families on food stamps that had both kids and a nondisabled, working-age adult.
5. If you’re not officially poor, you’re doing okay. The federal poverty line for a family of two parents and two children in 2012 was $23,283. Basic needs cost at least twice that in 615 of America’s cities and regions.
6. Go to college, get out of poverty. In 2012, about 1.1 million people who made less than $25,000 a year, worked full time, and were heads of household had a bachelor’s degree.
7. We’re winning the war on poverty. The number of households with children living on less than $2 a day per person has grown 160 percent since 1996, to 1.65 million families in 2011.
8. The days of old ladies eating cat food are over. The share of elderly single women living in extreme poverty jumped 31 percent from 2011 to 2012.
9. The homeless are drunk street people. One in 45 kids in the United States experiences homelessness each year. In New York City alone, 22,000 children are homeless.
10. Handouts are bankrupting us. In 2012, total welfare funding was 0.47 percent of the federal budget.